Advice
A spoofing a loved one scam happens when someone pretends to be a family member or close friend to trick you into sending money or sharing personal information. These scams can arrive as sudden phone calls, urgent text messages, or even video chats that look and sound real.
Today’s scammers use advanced tools to copy voices and faces, but they’re not impossible to beat. With a little planning, like using a family “code word” and knowing what signs to watch for, you can protect yourself and your loved ones.
How the Scam Works
Fraudsters start by collecting personal details from social media, public records, or even overheard conversations. They might find a family photo, a birthday post, or a video clip online. Then they use caller ID spoofing so your phone shows a name or number you recognize.
More advanced scams use AI voice cloning or simulated video to impersonate someone you know. While these tools can sound convincing, they often have flaws: slight pauses, unnatural rhythm, or mismatched facial movement in video.
Common storylines include:
- An accident while traveling.
- An arrest in another city.
- An urgent problem that “needs money right now.”
Imagine this: You’re at the kitchen table finishing your morning coffee when your phone buzzes. The caller ID says it’s your daughter. You answer, and her voice comes through—shaken and upset. She says she’s been in a fender-bender while out of town. You can hear background noise and what sounds like traffic. She asks for money right away to cover towing and a hotel. Your heart races and your first instinct is to help. But the call is short, she rushes to hang up, and her answers to your questions are vague.
In reality, it’s not your daughter: it’s a scammer using AI to clone her voice from a short video she posted online.
What could have stopped this?
- A quick pause to take a breath before acting.
- Asking the caller to use your family’s code word. (We’ll talk about this in just a few seconds.)
- Hanging up and calling your daughter back using her saved number.
- Checking with another family member to confirm her location.
These small steps turn a high-pressure moment into one you control, not the scammer.
Some Real-World Examples
AI-Cloned Daughter’s Voice in Kidnapping Hoax
Jennifer DeStefano of Arizona received a call where her daughter’s voice was crying for help, claiming to be kidnapped. It sounded exactly like her child. In minutes, she learned her daughter was safe at school—the scammer had cloned her voice from a short online video (ABC News).
Florida Woman Conned Out of $15,000
Sharon Brightwell answered a call with her daughter’s “voice,” claiming she caused a car accident and needed bail money. Convinced, she sent $15,000. Her grandson later confirmed it was a scam—the daughter was safe at work (People).
Long Island Grandparent Voice-Cloning Scam
In Suffolk County, NY, scammers pulled grandchildren’s voices from TikTok videos and cloned them to demand money for emergencies. Over 3,000 similar scams were reported in 2023, costing more than $126 million. Authorities urged families to use a “safe word” for emergencies (FTC).
Westchester County Kidnapping Scam
Parents in Peekskill, NY, got calls claiming their children were kidnapped, complete with familiar voices. The truth: AI impersonation and an old scam script, updated with new tech (ABC 7 NY).
Fighting Deepfakes with Code Words
What is a DeepFake?
A deepfake is a video or audio clip made by a computer to look or sound like a real person. Criminals can now clone a voice with just a few seconds of audio taken from public videos, podcasts, or even voicemail greetings. Or use AI to make a video of just about anybody, whether it’s the President or your cousin.
Sounds scary, but fear not! There’s good news for those of us who aren’t tech wizards: deepfakes fall apart under simple verification. Asking a question only your loved one could answer—or using your pre-agreed code word—can expose a fake in seconds.
Fight Back with Code Words
A good first step is to “ask a question only your loved one could answer” when you’re not sure if a call is real. But details we think are private, like favorite foods, pets’ names, and vacation spots, are often on social media. Scammers can gather these answers from public profiles, old posts, or even tagged photos. That’s why it’s even safer to use a pre-arranged code word or code phrase that has never been shared online.
This is a simple but powerful way to confirm you’re really speaking to the person you think you are. It’s short and memorable, and something that only you and your trusted circle know. In an emergency, ask the person to say the code word or phrase before you continue the conversation. If they can’t, it’s a strong sign to pause and verify through another method.
The best code words and phrases are easy to remember but hard for outsiders to guess. Things like goofy song lyrics your kids made up, or something memorable your spouse said about a chaotic family vacation.
Or you can code a subtle call-and-response, like: “You’re breaking up… my phone’s going all catawampus.” “No worries, mom. But you should think about upgrading your 2005 Motorola flip phone.”
Rotate it every so often and make sure everyone who knows it also understands when and how to use it.
Warning Signs to Watch
When someone is pretending to be a loved one, small differences in how they speak or look can give them away.
- Tone of voice – Even with AI voice cloning, scammers may have trouble matching the warmth, rhythm, or emotion your loved one naturally uses. You might notice the tone feels overly dramatic, flat, or strangely formal.
- Choice of words – Pay attention to language. Are they using phrases your loved one never says? Is the message unusually short, overly scripted, or vague when you ask specific questions?
- Emotional balance – Real emergencies often have moments of natural back-and-forth. Scammers tend to push nonstop urgency, not allowing space for conversation.
- Facial expression – On a video call, watch for expressions that don’t match the emotion in the voice. A “worried” tone paired with a neutral face can be a red flag.
- Mouth and eye movement – In deepfake video, lip movement can be slightly out of sync, and blinking patterns may look unnatural or too infrequent.
- Body language – If you know your loved one well, you’ll recognize their usual gestures and posture. An impersonator may seem stiff, still, or slightly “off” in how they move.
Final Thoughts
Spoofing scams rely on surprise and emotion. By knowing the signs, agreeing on a code word, and taking a moment to verify any urgent request, you keep control of the situation. Technology may allow scammers to sound like someone you know, but simple habits can keep your money, your information, and your peace of mind safe.